When we set goals without being thoughtful, we lose is the opportunity to pivot, adjust and change our course when it's no longer working for us. What we get is burnt out and dissatisfaction. If we begin to see life as a series of processes and goals we soon realize that the attention should go on the 99% and let the 1% be whatever is meant to bee.
If we could stop and think about our time on this planet, we'll soon realize that we spend 99% of our time working towards a goal or dream, only to meet that goal and start a whole new process again. What I find ironic is that we should appreciate the 'process' because ultimately that's what really matters. Without a process, there is not product. However, I have found myself over and over again teaching this idea to highly successful people. And honestly, I lose sight of it myself more times than what I like to admit. It's a simple concept that most of us don't learn and (in my opinion) causes marked distress. Most times it's because we...
The holidays are an exciting, beautiful time of friends, family, celebration and peace. For someone struggling with or in recovery from an eating disorder, however, it can be painful, anxious, depressing and sometimes unbearable. For 15 years, I dreaded November-January, but I’ve learned (the hard way) some things to maybe make it a little easier this year:
1.Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself (if it’s healthy)
If you’re like me, your family has big gatherings revolved around food, eating and drinking. More often than not, the first thing a family comments on is how you look. “OMG you’re so thin, so you look amazing!” or “You’ve put on a little weight, huh?” It can be exhausting, triggering, and reaching for ED symptoms is the easiest way out. I spent most holiday parties hiding upstairs and throwing up whatever I ate because I needed a release and some time alone.
Take a moment (or an hour!) to yourself, listen...
"KINDNESS DOESN'T SLOW US DOWN, IT'S THE FUEL THAT FILLS US UP."
Many of us have discovered that our body and mind are capable of many things. We study, work, take care of family, pay the bills, plan holidays, and over commit.
We treat our bodies and minds like a vehicle, a transportation mode from point A to point B.
What happens when we teach ourselves to drive faster and faster? The answer is we begin to lose sight of healthy boundaries with our bodies and slowly create a higher and higher threshold. Known as desensitizing, we gradely grow our abilities to fight through discomfort, pain, and sometimes even suffering. The problem is that even when we desensitize ourselves from the moment, our body's absorb the burden and hold on.
What should we do about it?
We need to recognize our speeds. If we go too fast too quickly we often lose sight of what is happening around and begin to leave out friends and family.
What's the price of slowing down? If you're anything like me, there is a...
I knew in order to be my best-self I had to do this. I learned to trust my gut and most importantly how to grow into my mind and body. I carried a growth mindset which is to find opportunity is every moment. So tonight I ended my meditation with an intent to live a "beautiful fearless and messy" life.
Retreat, a word I didn't understand to its fullness. As I drove into the Pochonos Mountains observing the isolation and quiet, I felt my anxiety creep in. I began planning my trip home and thought about changing my flight to leave early. I had my first taste of the “retreat" vibe and I wasn't ready for it. I like to stay busy, my friends even jokingly (but serious too) fully expect me to sit on top of the mountain and meditate with my lovely laptop companion.
Let’s say I like to work. I love talking, counseling and learning how I can help people. The realization that it was going to be on the receiving in was truly terrifying.
Walking into the room gave me an overwhelming...
Flight, fight or freeze. The alligator mind in all of us.
There’s an alligator in your brain! Ok, well not really. But there is a part of the brain which is linked to the emotional center of the body. It receives messages from all over the body. We’ve all experienced it before because on a fundamental level we respond to perceived threat just like any other animal would.
So..if we all have alligators then why do some of us struggle more with emotions compared to others?
The key difference between those who are emotionally out of control and those who are regulated, the latter has learned to train the alligator. Now, insert <smart monkey or alligator trainer or wise owl> and realize that we can react to the alligator in a way that makes us feel in control.
Begin to identify key triggers that makes the alligator storm out of the water. It might be hormones, lack of sleep, or stress. It also might be a bad grade, a fight, or a driving ticket.
In July I had the pleasure to work with a Lead in Lake Forest, IL. Together we designed a one of a kind opportunity to 17-21 year olds who had a special interest in becoming a future leader. It was truly a privilege to witness their growth.
#Reclaim brought together a community of local people to learn about emotional intelligence in a hands on, four-part, four day experience.
First and foremost, we focused inward.
We dove deep into the key lessons in Daniel Goleman's book Primal Leadership, Learning To Lead With Emotional Intelligence and Switch How To Make Change When Change Is Hard. Some of the world's brightest minds on leadership and emotional intelligence joined in, pairing up to have intimate, real conversations where we learned exactly what it takes to be a strong leader in your own life and how to grow into the leader that others need. Our speakers inspired us to think outside of the box and never forget that passion and purpose will always lead us to our true purpose in...
You’re supposed to be scared straight. But you’re not. Because fear doesn’t work like that, fear doesn’t drive you to change, it drives you to protect
I know you may or may not even tell me you're watching it. Most likely because you’re conflicted. Part of you hates what you see because it triggers uncomfortable feelings. Part of you feels envious and scared. Scared for yourself and scared for others who are watching this. You are triggered because it makes you look at your life and compare yourself both physically and psychologically. You probably find her attractive, controlled and accomplished.
You’re supposed to be scared straight. But you’re not.
Because fear doesn’t work like that, fear doesn’t drive you to change, it drives you to protect. It’ll drive you to protect your eating disorder because in the eating disorder’s sick and twisted way, it’ll use Ellen's life to its' advantage and...