Holiday Conversations: 5 Communication Strategies to Build Connection With Your Kids

mental health parenting Nov 19, 2024

The holiday season is a wonderful time to focus on family, create memories, and connect with loved ones – but at the same time, it can also bring up heightened emotions, busy schedules, and stress for both kids and parents.

Amidst the festivities and adjusted routines, communication becomes more important than ever. Open and supportive communication is foundational to a healthy parent-child relationship. When kids feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to express themselves honestly, manage their emotions, and feel secure in their connection with you. And when parents communicate openly, they model emotional intelligence, empathy, and problem-solving skills—qualities that kids carry with them into adulthood.

In a season that often emphasizes gifts and gatherings, focusing on communication can become the most meaningful way to connect. Whether it's through everyday interactions or heartfelt conversations, communicating with care and intention reminds your kids that they are valued and loved. Let’s talk about 5 practical tips to help you communicate effectively with kids of all ages – this holiday season and beyond!

1. Create Simple, Low-Pressure Moments to Connect

Sometimes, the best conversations happen during the quiet, ordinary moments when kids feel comfortable. Instead of planning "big talks," try connecting during daily activities. These moments let you communicate without the pressure to make it a serious conversation.

For Young Kids: Reading a holiday story, baking cookies, or playing a game together can create wonderful opportunities for little ones to open up.

For Preteens: Activities where they feel involved and important - like decorating or helping you cook - are often great ways to start casual conversations.

For Teens: Car rides or late-night wrapping sessions can be the perfect settings for deeper chats. These low-key situations feel more like natural moments to catch up.

2. Communicate Boundaries Clearly and Calmly

Setting boundaries with kids during the holiday season can be tricky, but it’s essential for helping them understand expectations while maintaining a peaceful atmosphere. When setting boundaries with kids, be clear and concise to avoid overwhelming them, and explain the reason behind each boundary so they understand its purpose. Consistency is key—when you stick to established limits, it reinforces their importance. Acknowledge their feelings to make the process more collaborative, showing empathy while staying firm.

For Kids: Keep it simple and positive. “We’re putting toys away now because it’s time for family dinner. After we eat, we can play again!” Kids respond well to clear limits with a promise of return to fun.

For Preteens: Explain the “why” behind the boundary. “We’re having a phone-free hour because family time is important to us. Afterward, you can check in with friends.” Preteens appreciate understanding the reason behind rules.

For Teens: Respect their independence while staying firm. “I know it’s hard to leave your friends, but I need you home by 10 for safety reasons.” Acknowledge their feelings and maintain the boundary calmly and consistently.

3. Practice Active Listening

One of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationships through communication is active listening. This simply means giving them your full attention, no interruptions, and truly hearing what they’re saying—even if it’s a story you’ve heard ten times!

For Young Kids: Show interest by asking follow-up questions like, “And then what happened?” or “How did you feel?” Even small kids appreciate feeling listened to!

For Preteens: Let them talk through their latest interests, whether it’s a new video game or a school project. Avoid interrupting or correcting and let them know you’re interested in what matters to them.

For Teens: Teens often share more if they feel you’re not judging or offering solutions right away. Try using validating statements like, “That sounds challenging” or “I’m here if you want to talk more about it.”

4. Model Vulnerability and Make Room For Imperfection

Sometimes, we feel pressured to create a picture-perfect holiday, but it’s the real, imperfect moments that become the most meaningful. Kids of all ages benefit from seeing their parent be open about their emotions and laugh off little mishaps.

For Young Kids: Show that it’s okay to make mistakes, whether it’s a cookie baking disaster or tangled lights. Laugh it off together—kids learn a lot from how you handle these moments.

For Preteens: Share your own ups and downs of the holiday season, like feeling tired or missing someone who’s far away. It normalizes those feelings and reminds them that emotions are part of the experience.

For Teens: Teens appreciate authenticity, so do your best to let go of the desire to be “perfect.” Talk about holiday stress or challenges openly; it helps them see that emotions are normal and that people of all ages navigate them.

5. Use The GIVE Skill to Foster Respectful, Supportive Communication

GIVE is a communication skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and it stands for Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy Manner. GIVE is a framework that empowers you to connect with your kids in a respectful and supportive way, which can be especially helpful during the busy holiday season. Here's how GIVE can help you communicate with kids of all ages:

Gentle: Keep your tone warm and non-confrontational. For example, if a plan changes last-minute, try saying, “I know this wasn’t what we expected, but let’s make the best of it.”

Interested: Show genuine interest in what they’re saying, even if it’s about something small. Nodding, maintaining eye contact, and asking questions shows you’re listening.

Validate: Acknowledge their feelings, even if they’re different from yours. You might say, “I understand you’re upset about missing time with your friends. That makes sense to me.”

Easy Manner: Keep it light! Humor, a relaxed tone, and a smile can go a long way in making conversations feel positive and comfortable, which is especially effective with younger kids or when defusing tense situations.

For more on GIVE and strategies for communicating with teens specifically, check out our Skills to Strengthen Bonds with Your Kids free e-book!

Connection Through Communication

The holiday season is a beautiful time to focus on connection. By staying open, flexible, and understanding, you can create a warm and supportive environment where kids of all ages feel comfortable expressing themselves. Remember, the small, everyday interactions and the time spent together are the things they’ll remember most.

So this holiday season, take a deep breath, let go of perfection, and focus on being present. Lean on your skills to communicate with empathy and validation – both this season and beyond!

Practice these skills in this Holiday Communication Guide For Parents!

Are you a parent of teens and looking for more communication support? Check out this e-book!