The Power of Checking In: A Small Act That Makes a Big Difference

We often ask, “How are you?” out of habit—an automatic greeting tossed out in passing. But what if we slowed down, asked with intention, and truly listened for the answer? 

In the world of mental health, one of the most underrated yet powerful tools we have is simply checking in. Whether it’s a text, a coffee chat, or a quiet moment of eye contact and empathy, checking in with someone can be a life-changing (and in some cases, life-saving) act. 

The Research: Why Checking In Matters 

We know that mental health isn’t always easy to see. Many people who are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or low may not feel comfortable sharing what they’re going through: a 2020 study found that nearly half of those experiencing depressive symptoms hadn’t told anyone—often because they worried about being judged or becoming a burden to others (Rees & Anderson, 2023). 

The good news is, even one person’s support can truly make a difference. Another 2020 research study shows that feeling cared for by friends, family, or peers can help protect against depression and thoughts of self-harm—especially among teens and young adults (Gálvez de León et al., 2020). A third study found that social support not only helps people feel more emotionally resilient but also leads to better outcomes when they do seek professional help (De Silva et al., 2005). While checking in doesn’t take the place of therapy, it often opens the door to healing by reminding someone they’re not alone. 

Why We Don’t Always Reach Out 

People often assume that others will speak up if they need help. But the truth is, many people don’t want to be a burden, or they fear being misunderstood. Stigma, busyness, and discomfort around emotional conversations can all contribute to the silence. 

That’s why proactive check-ins matter so much. A gentle, thoughtful check-in creates a safe opening for vulnerability—especially when done consistently. 

Three Powerful Ways to Check In with Someone 

1. Use the ASK Framework by Active Minds 

One of the simplest and most effective strategies for checking in is the ASK framework, developed by Active Minds: 

• Acknowledge what you're noticing: “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately.” 

• Support them by expressing care and listening without judgment: “I’m here for you if you want to talk—no pressure.” 

• Keep in touch to show ongoing support: “Let’s grab coffee next week or just text if you’d rather do that.” 

The ASK framework is especially powerful because it creates a supportive structure without making the other person feel exposed or pressured. It respects boundaries while still inviting connection. 

*Check out this ASK Connection Pocket Guide to learn more and practice this skill!* 

2. Use Open-Ended Questions 

Instead of asking the generic “How are you?”, try a more intentional approach: 

• “What’s been on your mind lately?” 

• “What’s something you’ve been carrying that no one sees?” 

• “What’s been bringing you stress—or joy—these days?” 

Open-ended questions invite people to share more authentically and allow space for deeper connection. 

3. Reflect and Validate What You Notice 

A powerful way to check in—especially if someone isn’t opening up easily—is to gently reflect what you’re noticing and offer validation. This approach can help someone feel seen without being pushed to explain or justify their experience. You could try saying: 

• “You’ve seemed a little quieter than usual lately—I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” 

• “I noticed you’ve been canceling plans more often. I get that things can feel like a lot sometimes.” 

• “You looked really overwhelmed earlier. I’m here if you want to talk about anything—or even if you don’t.” 

This kind of check-in communicates care and attention. It avoids assumptions, centers the other person’s experience, and lets them know they’re not being judged. Over time, these small moments can help someone feel safe enough to open up. 

Connection is Prevention 

It’s easy to underestimate the impact of a single message or kind word. But mental health professionals, advocates, and researchers all agree: connection is a form of prevention. 

Checking in isn’t about having the perfect words or solving someone’s problems. It’s about showing up, listening, and staying connected, especially when someone feels alone – it truly can make all the difference! 

Local to the Lake County area and looking for a way to check in with our community? Join us for our 5th annual Mental Health Action Day Walk & Ice Cream Social on 5/15! The theme of the walk this year is to empower people to check in with someone who needs it. We’d love to see you there as we continue to take action for mental health! Click here to learn more & register. 

References: 

De Silva, M. J., McKenzie, K., Harpham, T., & Huttly, S. R. A. (2005). Social capital and mental illness: A systematic review. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 40(7), 529–538. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00127-005-0917-7 

Gálvez de León, S. J., Hernández-Castillo, C. R., Sánchez-Gutiérrez, J. D., et al. (2020). Associations of social support during adolescence with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation in young adulthood: A longitudinal study. American Journal of Psychiatry, 177(12), 1102–1110. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2020.20030276 

Rees, C., & Anderson, R. (2023). “It’s hard to talk when I don’t know what’s going on myself”: A qualitative exploration of young people’s experiences of disclosure of depressive symptoms. PLOS ONE, 18(1), e0296221. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0296221