You’re supposed to be scared straight. But you’re not. Because fear doesn’t work like that, fear doesn’t drive you to change, it drives you to protect
I know you may or may not even tell me you're watching it. Most likely because you’re conflicted. Part of you hates what you see because it triggers uncomfortable feelings. Part of you feels envious and scared. Scared for yourself and scared for others who are watching this. You are triggered because it makes you look at your life and compare yourself both physically and psychologically. You probably find her attractive, controlled and accomplished.
You’re supposed to be scared straight. But you’re not.
Because fear doesn’t work like that, fear doesn’t drive you to change, it drives you to protect. It’ll drive you to protect your eating disorder because in the eating disorder’s sick and twisted way, it’ll use Ellen's life to its' advantage and perpetuate the fear for its own good. You’re fearful that your eating disorder isn’t bad enough to get the treatment that Ellen got. Your fearful that you are actually sick but no one sees it, so you need to keep restricting even if you don’t want to. The comparison, judgment and fear that you feel, will be what you walk away with. What I want to say is, PLEASE bring that to session. Don’t allow the fear to keep you silent in our session.
Sit with me...tell me.
Let's use this as an opportunity find strength in your voice and strength in your ability to change the fear you are feeling, into hope.
Your waiting therapist