Finding the Right Therapist: A Practical and Personal Guide

Looking for a therapist can be daunting. Maybe you’ve tried therapy before, and it didn’t click, or maybe you’re starting for the first time and don’t know where to begin. You might be carrying questions you don’t even have words for yet. Or perhaps you have a list of questions running like a ticker tape through your head: what type of therapist do I even need... where will I possibly fit another appointment into my schedule... what does my insurance even cover...?  

The truth is you shouldn’t let these stop you from finding the right therapist. The process isn’t just about checking boxes off of your list. It’s about finding someone who provides a safe space for you and with whom you genuinely connect. Most people don’t start this process with perfect clarity, give yourself permission to take it one step at a time. 

Here are a few do’s and don’ts as you navigate the process of finding a therapist that can help you move forward with more direction and confidence. 

Do: Take Time to Know What You Want 

Before reaching out, think about what’s bringing you to therapy. Is it anxiety, burnout, relationship challenges, or simply wanting to feel more at ease? You don’t need all the answers, but naming what you hope to work on helps you look in the right direction. 

Some people come to therapy for coping tools; others to process their past or grief, and others are exploring growth. Even a simple sense of what you need can point you toward the right person. 

Don’t: Assume Therapy Is One-Size-Fits-All 

Therapy looks different for everyone. Some people prefer structured approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), while others need space to reflect or process trauma through methods like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). 

If you’re new to therapy, don’t get too caught up in what evidence-based approach the therapist utilizes and instead focus more on the connection you feel. Most therapists use a variety of approaches; they’ll tailor their work with you based on your needs and goals or refer you to a colleague if you need something different than their specialty. 

Do: Ask Questions and Be Curious, Look For Connection 

When exploring options, read therapist bios, notice tone, and look for approaches that feel aligned. If possible, schedule a short consultation call. 

Ask things like: 

• How would you describe your approach? 

• What can I expect in sessions? 

• How do you help clients who feel stuck? 

These conversations help you understand a therapist’s style and remind you that you have a voice in your care. The relationship you build with your therapist is central to your progress. You don’t need instant comfort, but over the first few sessions you should feel ease and respect. 

Some therapists are gentle and reflective; others are structured and direct. Both can be effective. The right one for you is the person who helps you feel seen and motivated to keep showing up. 

Don’t: Choose Based on Credentials Alone 

Licenses and degrees are important; they show that a therapist has the education and training necessary, but they don’t tell the whole story. What often matters most is the connection you build and how comfortable you feel opening up.  

For more general concerns like stress, anxiety, or life transitions, therapists can offer strong support without needing extra specializations or credentials. That said, there are times when specialized training can make a difference. If you’re seeking support for something specific, like recovery from substance use, trauma, eating disorders, or if you’re drawn to creative approaches like art or music therapy, it can help to find someone with focused credentials in that area. Those therapists have additional tools and frameworks tailored to certain needs. 

The key is finding someone whose approach makes sense to you and feels like a good fit. 

Do: Understand Your Coverage and Options 

Most insurance plans include some mental health coverage, but benefits vary. Review your plan or call your provider for details on your plan before you begin. 

If you’re paying out of pocket, ask about sliding-scale or reduced-fee options. Most practices can also offer a superbill (aka a receipt for your payments) that you can submit to insurance towards your out-of-network benefits and/or for reimbursement. 

Don’t: Expect Instant Results 

Therapy takes time. Some sessions feel productive; others might feel slower. Both are part of the process. 

Progress often shows up quietly. You may realize over time that you approach situations with more patience and grace for yourself or others, a gentler inner voice, or a different reaction to stress. These shifts may seem small, but they add up over time and make a big difference in the long run.  

Do: Choose Someone You Can Grow With 

Your needs may change, and a good therapist grows with you. You might begin therapy focused on one goal and discover something new along the way. 

Look for someone who not only supports you now but helps you evolve over time. 

Don’t: Overlook Practical Details 

Even the best connection won’t work if logistics make consistency hard. Think about what will make therapy sustainable: 

• In-person or virtual sessions 

• Location and travel time 

• Scheduling that fits your life 

Consistency helps therapy stick, and it’s easier to stay engaged when it fits naturally into your routine.

Moving Forward 

There’s no formula for finding the right therapist. It’s often a mix of timing, intuition, and a little trial and error. You might talk to a few people before something clicks. That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working — it just means you’re still finding your match. 

The right therapist won’t have all the answers, but they’ll help you uncover your own. You’ll know you’ve found a good fit when you start feeling more like yourself in sessions, even when it’s hard. 

If you’re just beginning your search, keep it simple: look for honesty, curiosity, and respect. Trust what feels right and notice when you start to exhale a little easier. That’s usually the sign you’re in the right place! 

For more guidance, check out our free resource about finding a therapist with helpful reflection questions and do's and don'ts. View and Download Here