Letting Go of Comparison And Perfectionism: How To Have A Values Driven Holiday Season

 The holidays often bring a mix of joy, nostalgia, and connection, but they can also stir up something we do not talk about nearly enough: comparison. Even when we know better, this season can make us hold our lives up against someone else’s and wonder if we are doing enough.

If you have found yourself in comparison mode this holiday season, you are not alone. But the more we acknowledge it, the more room we create to choose compassion instead of criticism, connection instead of pressure, and values instead of expectation.

Comparing Ourselves on Social Media

You're lying in bed scrolling social media and you see post after post with your friends and their families in matching pajamas, hosting elaborate holiday parties, with their beautifully lit trees and curated home decor and you feel the increasing tension in your chest of shame and comparison. You wonder "Why doesn't my home look like that? Where do they get the time or money for that? Why can't I keep up?"

When we compare our raw, behind-the-scenes moments to someone else’s picture-perfect highlight reel, we lose sight of the fullness of our own lives. That is when a gentle reminder can help. What we see online is not the whole story. We all have messy kitchens, tired days, complicated family dynamics, and moments that never get posted.

Sometimes the most protective thing we can do for our mental health is to slow down our scrolling or even take intentional breaks. It is not punishment or restriction; it is an act of care to help us live in the moment and remember to appreciate the little things and simple joys, not just the photo-worthy moments of the holiday season.

Financial Pressure and Comparison

You’re out to lunch with a friend to catch up and they mention all of the gifts they’ve purchased for their kids and that they’re headed out for a tropical vacation over winter break. As you listen, you find genuine happiness for their family, and simultaneously that familiar thought creeps into your head, “I wish we could afford to do that for our kids.” Over the next few days you can’t turn off the thought, everyone else seems to be able to provide more than you for their families. 

The holidays often intensify financial pressure. When we see friends booking trips or purchasing high-priced gifts, it becomes easy to compare that to our own efforts and financial contributions to the holidays. Even if we usually feel confident in the way we manage our resources, it is easy to wonder whether we should be doing more.

The truth is that financial comparison can quickly lead to shame and an unrealistic view of ourselves.

Your worth is not tied to how much you spend or what you can give materially. What matters most is the intention behind your choices, the care you show others, and the presence you bring to the people you love. The most meaningful gifts are usually rooted in thoughtfulness rather than price.

The Pressure to Have the Perfect Holiday or Give the Perfect Gift

You are hosting 20 family members for a holiday meal, you’ve done eight separate grocery store runs, are making three new recipes (one of which is a generational family favorite so the pressure is on) and have to do three airport pick ups over the next three days. You envisioned a beautiful tablescape worthy of a magazine cover but can’t find the cloth napkins you bought and your centerpieces have already wilted. You’re feeling overwhelmed and find yourself wishing you hadn’t even offered to host. 

Something about the holiday season makes perfection feel like the standard. We strive to prepare the perfect meal, decorate the perfect home, post for the perfect photo, find the perfect gifts, and create perfect memories. When reality does not match the picture in our mind, disappointment can wash over us quickly.

Wanting everything to go smoothly is a natural response, but perfectionism and high expectations can dampen the holiday experience and become a detriment to mental health. The pursuit of perfection can pull us away from being present. Instead of enjoying the moment, we manage it. Instead of connecting, we perform.

When we notice ourselves slipping into perfectionism, it helps to pause and ask a simple question. “Is this something that truly matters to me, or is it about what I think is expected of me?” This question alone can bring us back to a grounded place where the holidays can be enjoyed from a healthier mindset and flaws or mistakes can be met with laughter instead of criticism or disappointment. 

Letting Go of Comparisons and Expectations

Letting go does not mean pretending the pressure is not there, it means noticing when we have taken on expectations that do not belong to us and choosing to release the ones that do not support our well-being.

Letting go is a practice that doesn’t always come easily, but what matters is that we return to ourselves with kindness.

Making Values-Based Decisions

Our values act like a quiet compass, guiding how we view and approach ourselves, our decisions, and our experiences. When comparison tries to take over, our values can guide us back to who we want to be and how we want to show up. When we make choices rooted in our values, comparison loses its power and the pressure to match what others are doing is overruled by the desire to intentionally shape the holidays in a way that feels true to us. Instead of asking, “What is everyone else doing?” we begin to ask, “Does this align with who I want to be?” That shift creates space for more peace.

When we pause long enough to notice our values, we gain clarity about what truly matters during a season that often pulls our attention in many directions. Values like connection, rest, generosity, or authenticity can help us make decisions that feel supportive rather than stressful. They remind us that we do not need to accept every invitation, participate in every tradition, or meet every expectation to have a meaningful holiday. By letting our values set the pace, we create a season shaped by intention rather than comparison, leaving more room for presence, gratitude, and genuine joy.

Knowing Your Values

Many of us move through the holidays on autopilot, unaware of what our values are and how to use them when making decisions. We repeat traditions or expectations without pausing to ask whether they still fit our life today. 

A helpful place to start is to notice what brings you a sense of meaning or joy.

• What moments make you feel most like yourself?
• What choices bring you comfort rather than stress?
• What memories from years past still feel warm to you?

Your values often reveal themselves in these small honest reflections. 

Check out our holiday guide for a few journal prompts to help you reframe your thoughts and comparisons and for a quick activity that will help you discern your top 5 values. Our goal with this guide is to help you navigate peace and joy through this holiday season and beyond. 

As we move through the holidays, we want you to know that your experience is valid. If you are navigating comparison or pressure, it does not mean you are doing anything wrong. It simply means you are human. With awareness, compassion, and values-centered choices, you can protect your mental health and create a holiday season that feels supportive, sustainable, and true to who you are.